It all sounds so easy. Not eat carbs or sugar for 2 weeks? No problem! Eat more vegies? Easy! Develop a healthier life style? Ok! Check, check and check.

I started the South Beach Diet a month ago. I have lost 22 pounds. Some of them more than once. I do love the plan. Well, with the exception of the not eat carbs and sugar for 2 weeks. The idea is to wean yourself off them, reintroduce only the good carbs and continue with the weight loss. I had PLENTY of really good food to eat and heck, this should not be a problem. It's only two weeks, right? Well, I have yet to make it the full 2. Most I have done is 8 days. Which, I have to say, I am thrilled with but this isn't horseshoes and not close enough. On one carb binge that lasted 3 days, I supposedly gained back 11 pounds. I say supposedly because I know there isn't a way to do that unless I ate thousands of calories each day, and I didn't. Just a bunch couple of slices of bread and jam one day. An all out attack on a Chinese Buffet probably accounted for 3/4 of it. So, I would start over again. And again. It was a bit scary to see how easy I could unravel. And how almost zombie like I felt eating whatever it was I had sworn I would forsake.

I know I feel better, even having lost this little bit. I can't imagine how I will feel when I reach my goal. Still, I can hardly stop thinking about it all. Ciabatta bread, yellow layer cake with chocolate frosting, blueberry muffins, pasta ala Vodka, Whoopie Pies, biscuits - dare I go on? I have read somewhere that lab mice become more addicted to sugar than cocaine. The only surprise about this is that someone found it surprising.

The only surprise to me is me. In the past, once off plan, heck why get back to it? This time, I have. And I have tried to figure out how to change things. Tonight, we were asked out to dinner. They drove to the Chinese buffet. I thought well, there has got to be something I can eat within my plan. So I had a pile of steamed green beans and a pile of sauteed shrimp. It worked. Did I want the dumplings, the rice, the sauces, and the fried everything? YOU BETTCHA. But, I was tired of starting over and over. I want to MOVE ON. (I feel a political reference here, but I will save that for another time.)

I find so much pleasure in finding other ways besides food to find fulfillment. Detaching myself from the very real chemical addiction of food is about the hardest thing I have every had to face. Not since childhood have I felt such a loss of my own identity. So uncertain about what the future looks like. What I will look like. But I know I can't turn back. This really feels like my last best chance. So, I will grab at it with both hands and hold on.

Make it mine.

Make it me.